Torka!

Just nu är jag ganska torr på saker att skiva.. Men jag tänkte jag ska släppa det extra kapitel som jag skrev till the handmaids tale ;) Det utspelar sig strax innan Jezebels!

Night

The night is mine, my own time, to do with as I will, as long as I am quiet. As long as I write in secrecy. As long as I reflect silently. In this totalitarian regime even such trivial things as reading and writing can be assessed as a crime. Freedom, is it still existent anymore? Words like hope and faith has been banned as well as almost all music. There is no freedom of expression anymore: one can only speak what the republic wants to hear. I have started to doubt its formation.

I’m sitting here in my commander’s office, thinking, turning and reflecting upon my meetings with Offred. How she has come to influence me. Our rendezvous are regular now; we meet two to three times a week. I summon her because of my guilt. I want her life to be bearable. We have been playing scrabble and I have let her read an old copy of vogue; and when she asked for some hand lotion I even gave that to her. She has been opening my senses and I perceive more and more of what is going on in our society. How our changes have changed the circumstances for women and men.

This is a reconstruction. All of it is a reconstruction. The reconstruction from a working to a dystopian society. I have a high position in this republic; I was a part of its creation, this bizarre creation. Can there be any justification for the terrible prison we have created for women? The prison we have created for ourselves. Because it is a prison. We teach the handmaids and tell ourselves that this circumstance is a privilege for them, but it is a prison. Long ago before Gilead was formed there was nothing for men to do with women. The sex was too easy. There was nothing to work for, nothing to fight for. We had lost our ability to feel. One can not make an omelette without breaking eggs. We thought we could do better, I really thought we could.

Now, after the change, can the men feel? Yes they can. They no longer need so be ambitionless. The society have has increased its protection of the women. We corrected the wrong of the past. In the old days the society did not force men to stay with their women. If a man left his wife with their children she could end up having to spend her entire paycheque on daycare. Women were not admired for their mothering. Instead money was the only thing that gave them value. Arranged marriages have worked out as well if not even better. Offred raised a valid point the other day; we missed out on falling in love. Therefore my question is how can we feel without emotions?

We have the ceremonies that are performed without emotions, without love. Love is such a strong emotion that we might have over looked upon the creation of Gilead. There is no such thing as falling in love in the republic. But isn’t it worth it? There was a critical situation with low birth rates. Our goal was to take control of reproduction. But have we gone to far?

A few evenings ago I even let her use my pen. What I saw in her eyes that night was highly mind altering. Yes dear dairy, Pen Is Envy. I could see it in her eyes; the power of the words a pen can contain seemed to her sensuous. It is true; we shifted the balance of power. We have used women’s bodies as political instruments. We have deprived them their identity by taking away their name. I can understand her envy of the power invested in the pen. I can understand her wanting to be me.

She thinks being me is good. But I tell you dairy my position is nothing to crave for. It is just fine, it is hell and it is very silent. The fact that being a commander is to live in heaven compared to being a handmaid makes my live just fine. That I’m watched everyday by these women and my guilt for creating this regime grows stronger for everyday makes it a hell. The prison in where I hardly can speak to anyone makes it very silent. But as I said being a commander has its benefits since the handmaid’s are trained to be walking ovens. It is beginning to disgust me. But what can I do? Have I not done my best to free myself from remorse? What else can a single commander do? We are taking a major risk together already.

Diary I’m really starting to wish that we had never reconstructed our world.

Yours sincerely,

Fred

För alla som deltar i sång jakten var jag väldigt petig förra gången men jag vill ha "Trad." som i träd utan prickar ;) Idag är det faktiskt upp till er att hitta på en låt som passa till inlägget och berätta varför... Det finns stora chanser att tjäna poäng då det kan finnas flera låtar som passar